User blog:Awesomesix/Total Drama ERB Season 2 Episode 2: The Boulder and the Beautifuler
Do the frick frack and read this. Written by Wonder, Fire, a duck, and I. Story Nice Peter: I’m Pete Nice! EpicLLOYD: But he’s no minister! Both: And this is TDERB! Nice Peter: Where we have...uh...Poe? Yeah, I think we have Poe. Edgar Allan Poe: How does this camera work? It has a lot of quirks. Nice Peter: I thought you said you would film us quietly. Edgar Allan Poe: My bad, won’t hap- oh, crap. EpicLLOYD: Well, last time on TDERB, the contestants looked for a cabin. After hiking a large chain of mountains. Fun. Nice Peter: Today we’re...uh… Dante Cimadamore: Boulders, you dingus. Boulders. Nice Peter: Yeah...boulders. Sounds right. EpicLLOYD: We’re having a race to the finish. But it could become a race to not be finished. Hehe. Nice Peter: Here on- Dante Cimadamore: TOTAL DRAMA ERB! *Poe turns the camera off* EpicLLOYD: Really? Dante Cimadamore: Finally! I got to be useful! Nice Peter: How about you be useful and predict the winning lottery ticket? *The scene cuts to the public showers, with everyone waking up, still in their underwear, waiting to use the single shower the camp has.* Justin Bieber: Hurry it up in there! Miley needs to give me a sponge bath. Joan of Arc: You have to give him a bath while he’s still in that straitjacket? Miley Cyrus: It’s horrifying. Cleopatra: How long does Kanye take in these things? Al Capone: I dunno...he’s probably jerking off to himself. Cleopatra: Eww. *Skrillex swagger jagger walks up to the bathroom, and swings open the door hella pro-like.* Al Capone: Hey! Quit cutting in line, bimbo! Skrillex: I’m a cool kid. I don’t gotta. *Skrillex slams the door like a player, then gets ready to take off his pants when Kanye West exits the shower only donning a towel, which falls.* Skrillex: AUGH! Kanye West: AUGH! Skrillex: AUGH! Kanye West: AUGH! *Skrillex runs out of the bathroom covering his eyes while Kanye West puts his towel back on and slams the door.* (Confessional) Skrillex: AUGH! I feel sick, bro! Mario: What-a is his problem? Gorgo: Beats me. Sarah Palin: I don’t know, eh. Probably saw something he shouldn’t have. Cleopatra: Can we hurry up? I’m tired… *Cleopatra leans her head on Al Capone’s shoulder* Rick Grimes: Ugh...I need some food.. *Rick Grimes walks up wearing only boxers and a cowboy hat, carrying his sheriff outfit* Al Capone: Why would you sleep in a hat? Rick Grimes: It’s my way of living, get used to it. Well, it seems we’re all mature here, able to handle a little lack of clothing. *Skrillex cries in the distance, which is totally uncool.* Rick Grimes:...well, most of us. Cleopatra: Someone’s immature… *Cleopatra yawns* Raphael: Hello, ladies! *Raphael walks out wearing nothing but his hat, disgusting his teammates.* Raphael: Nice, Rick. Fellow hat man yourself? Rick Grimes: Put some god damn pants on, kid. Raphael: Sarah...rocking the...glasses. Sarah Palin: Disgusting, child. Raphael: Whatever, sexy. Hey, Gorgo. Ditch the panties, come for the manties, am I right? Gorgo: What? Cleopatra: Raphael, cover that up. No one wants to see it. Al Capone: See what? *Cleopatra giggles.* (Confessional) Raphael: These guys just don’t understand what being a man is all about. Gotta let it loose… Santa Claus' (outside): Look, I brought you some clothes, they may be kind of small, but the hosts require you to use the confessional dressed.' (Confessional) Raphael: Aw, come on! *Raphael emerges from the confessional wearing elf clothes, 3 sizes too small.* Raphael: Ugh… *The camera cuts outside the confessional, showing both teams are outside waiting, laughing, as Hulk Hogan slaps 10 bucks onto Santa Claus’s hand, who is smiling rather pleased, and an elf stands next to him.* Elf: Rock those stockings! Donatello: Dude...you look like a fucking idiot in those. Raphael: I hate this show… Nice Peter: Okay, *snicker* today’s challenge. Let’s get to that. Yeah. *girlish giggle* Peach: I don’t understand what’s funny. Joan of Arc: Eh, not my humor. Nice Peter: So. You guys. The challenge…uh… Hulk Hogan: Uh, the mountain? Nice Peter: Oh yeah. I stayed up last night planning. Sorry if I’m slow. Hulk Hogan: Get on with it. They ain’t got all day. *Goku and Neil deGrasse Tyson can be heard groaning from pain in the distance.* Nice Peter: So, you’ll have to climb a cliff. Peach: No! Nice Peter: … Peach: S-sorry. Joan of Arc: Shh… Nice Peter: Thanks. Okay, go to the cliff. Dante, you take over. I’m too tired to ruin the surprise. I also get grumpy when I’m tired, take it before I snap at them. *Nice Peter looks over at Dante Cimadamore, who has a shocked look on his face.* Nice Peter: Uh, Dant- Dante Cimadamore: YOU...YOU WANT ME TO HOST A CHALLENGE? Nice Peter: Yeah, I said that. Apparently. *Dante Cimadamore stands still for a second, then jumps up in the air high and does an over the top excited pose.* Mary Doodles: Hey guys, I...what the fuck? Dante Cimadamore: I’m hosting an episode! Mary Doodles: Really? *Mary Doodles joins him in the posing* *Macho Man walks over with some beer, a burrito and a sombrero on his head* Macho Man: What the fuck. Nice Peter: Okay, you have a minute before I change my mind and make Santa the host. Santa Claus: Yay! *Dante Cimadamore and Mary Doodles calm down, then have the contestants follow them to the hill* Santa Claus: Aw. Elf: There’s always next time, big guy. *The scene transitions to the two teams at the bottom of the hill, with Dante Cimadamore and Mary Doodles wearing hard hats* Dante Cimadamore: So today, you guys are going to run up a hill. Justin Bieber: *Sarcastically happy tone* ''Well, so much for this challenge! Mary Doodles: But this isn’t just an ordinary hike. You see, at the top, Goku and Tyson have a bunch of boulders they will roll down as you climb up! Mr. T: Isn’t that a safety hazard? Marilyn Monroe: Oh please, being near you is a safety hazard. Goku: Can we hurry this up already? Like, now? Before I drop this on you? Onto your pathetic face? Neil deGrasse Tyson: Now, now, Goku. Bring out your inner peace. Do the Kakatrot. Goku: I will Kakatrot YOU TO DEATH, YOU ASSHOLE! Neil deGrasse Tyson: That’s fine, too… Dante Cimadamore: The team with every member up there, or the most if some are lost, wins. William Wallace: Whaddya mean “lost”, laddie? Mary Doodles: And...go! William Wallace: Answer me, ya phonies! Dante Cimadamore: She said go! Also, step to the left a bit. ''*William Wallace steps to his left as ordered, before a boulder suddenly lands directly where he was once standing.* William Wallace: What the shite?! Dante Cimadamore: Go. *Growing nervous, the teams quickly begin running up the hill, most branching off on their own. The scene cuts to Al Capone and Cleopatra as they work up one side of the hill.* Al Capone: I think it’s pretty safe to say we’ll get there first, after the last challenge. Cleopatra: Of course. But only if you carry me again. All this walking is going to kill my feet. Although, it does wonders for my figure, I must say. Al Capone: I say you’re as lovely as ever. Cleopatra: Aww, thanks! …wait, are you flirting with me? Al Capone: What? No, I just- look out! *A boulder suddenly flies directly at Cleopatra. Cleopatra jumps into Al Capone’s arms, just in time to dodge it.* Al Capone: …I guess I’ll just carry you the rest of the way, then. Cleopatra: If you insist. Al Capone: Only looking out for the only one I care an inch about on this wretched island. Cleopatra: Quit the flirting and just go. Al Capone: I’m not flirting! Rick Grimes: *walks right past the two* You’re so flirting with her. Al Capone: Can it, Texas Ranger. *The scene cuts to Joan of Arc, Princess Peach, Mario, and Luigi all walking together.* Mario: Don’t-a worry, princess. I’ll make sure you don’t get hurt. Princess Peach: Aww, thanks! Luigi: Ugh… Mario, aren’t you on the other-a team? Mario: Well, yes, but I just-a want to make sure my dear princess doesn’t-a get hurt. Joan of Arc: *reaches for her sword* Well, you might want to make sure some more, because here comes a boulder! *A boulder quickly goes flying at the four of them. Luigi gets ready to jump, but Mario gets air first, using Luigi as a spring, throwing him backwards down the hill, to jump higher as he punches the boulder hard, shattering it.* Bob Ross: Whooooaaaa… John Lennon: Duuude, he totally wrecked that thing, haha! Princess Peach: Oh, hi, funny guys! I didn’t see you there for a second, like how I usually don’t see Luigi. Luigi: Awww… John Lennon: Haha! Totally rejected, bro! Mario: Oh, leave-a him alone. Luigi: Mario…? Mario: It’s not his fault he isn’t all that special and-a doesn’t stand out very much. Luigi: … (Confessional) Luigi: Yeah, Imma gonna destroy him. (Confessional) Mario: I do-a hope to help him get noticed more, though. He-a deserves more recognition than he gets. *The scene switches to Raphael and Donatello.* Raphael: I think Cleopatra digs me. Donatello: Excuse me? Raphael: Yeah, dude, she totally does. I’m going to ask her to do it with me. Donatello: Ugh… for once, can you not act like you’re four? Raphael: Are you insinuating that four year olds do the frick-frack? Donatello: What? Ew, no. Raphael: You totally did. Donatello: Where is this conversation even going. Raphael: I’m just trying to have fun, dude. Don’t be such a stick-in-the-mud. Maybe then some people would notice you more. Donatello: Do you really need to bring that up? Geez… Raphael: …ehh…sorry, bro. Didn’t mean for that to come out wrong. You know I care about you, dude. Donatello: Besides, I think Cleopatra’s taken. Raphael: By whom, that fatso she’s always with? Please. She’d never go with him. I’m the desirable one here. William Wallace: The desirable one my arse! The only thing about you desired is you shutting yer trap, laddie! *Raphael watches blankly as William Wallace continues walking, before being hit in the face with a boulder* Donatello: Dude, you okay? Raphael: Don’t worry...it’s styrofoam… *Raphael passes out* Donatello: Sure it is... *Donatello holds Raphael over his shoulder and starts trudging up the hill* *The camera cuts to Mr. T, Marilyn Monroe, and Lady Gaga making their way up the hill* Marilyn Monroe: Carry me, Mr. T. Mr. T: Oh hell no! I am not falling for this! I may be a momma’s boy but I ain’t no sucka! Lady Gaga: I am getting tired already… Mr. T: I ain’t carrying no one! Lady Gaga: Piggy back ride? Marilyn Monroe: Ooh! I love those! May I have a ride?~ Mr. T: So many commands...not sure what to do! *Mr. T is struck by a boulder and falls, knocking down Marilyn Monroe and Lady Gaga in the process* Lady Gaga: Pooey. *The camera cuts to John Lennon, Bob Ross, Princess Peach, Mario, and Joan of Arc hiking up the hill, narrowly dodging falling boulders* Joan of Arc: Look, a cave! John Lennon: Sweet. *John Lennon and Joan of Arc step into the cave to find a way upwards right as Goku blocks it with boulders* Goku: Hole in one, Tyson! Suck it! Neil deGrasse Tyson: No thank you, it’s all yours. Peach: No! Bob Ross: Hooray! Peach: Why are you saying hooray to that? Bob Ross: Because he got a hole in one, that’s pretty rad. Peach: So? Our friends are trapped! Bob Ross: Yeah, but you don’t fuck with golf, little miss. William Wallace: Finally, someone with a true taste! Bob Ross: Where does he keep coming from? He was just in the last sce- *The view switches to inside the cave, where John Lennon and Joan of Arc are staring at the boulders blocking their way, Joan of Arc panicked while John Lennon is drawing dicks on the cave wall with his finger in the dirt.* John Lennon: Hey, Joan, look at this one, it’s huge! Joan of Arc: How can you be calm right now? We’re trapped! John Lennon: Are we? I’d say we’re pretty free right now, could do whatever we want here, and nobody’d be suspicious… *Joan of Arc looks at John Lennon confused, but shakes it off* Joan of Arc: Umm.. okay then, so, how do we get out of here? John Lennon: Beats me. Wanna join in drawing? Joan of Arc: No. John Lennon: You’re missing out… *John Lennon draws a giant dick on the wall* John Lennon: Come on, Joan. You know you want to. Joan of Arc: Alright… *Joan of Arc begins to join in drawing, then thinks over what she’s doing* Joan of Arc: Wait a minute...what the hell am I doing?! John Lennon: Being free, bro. Being free. (Confessional) Joan of Arc: Dear Lord, I have hit a new low... *The scene transitions to Miley Cyrus pulling Justin Bieber up the hill, Justin Bieber complaining all the while* Justin Bieber: This is bumpy! Miley Cyrus: Your face is bumpy. Justin Bieber: That makes no sense! Miley Cyrus: Put a sock in it. Be glad I’m pulling you and not letting you go. Justin Bieber: You’ve said that like 5 times, if you’re going to threaten me at least stick to your promises! Miley Cyrus: Okay. Justin Bieber: Fine. WAI- *Miley Cyrus lets go of Justin Bieber’s dolly, sending him rolling down the hill backwards, and slamming into the ground below* Dante Cimadamore (via megaphone): And Miley and Bieber are out! *to Mary Doodles* I’ve always wanted to do that! Miley Cyrus: Oh, come on! *Miley Cyrus prepares to jump down, before being hit by a boulder and knocked down forwards onto Justin Bieber* Dante Cimadamore (via megaphone): Also, I forgot to mention, Raphael is out! Donatello: Guessing I won’t need this. *Donatello drops Raphael down onto a random Wonderboner mattress, but accidentally falls down with him* Dante Cimadamore (via megaphone) Oh, and Luigi, the guy who fell down, and those in the cave are out too! Mary Doodles: Man, you are on a roll! William Wallace: What a mess. *The scene cuts to Doctor Who and Kirk, almost near the top* Doctor Who: This was a piece of cake. Captain Kirk: Sure it was. Goku: Hello, you two. Doctor Who: What is it you want, sir? Goku: Well, I am dropping boulders on you guys, so… *Goku drops a boulder on Captain Kirk, causing him to fall down onto a Wonderboner Mattress. Doctor Who hops up on the ledge and watches Captain Kirk fall* Captain Kirk: KHAAAAAAN! Doctor Who: What ever does he mean? Goku: He’s an idiot, ignore him. Well, congrats on winning. Now sit over there. Doctor Who: My, you have no manners. Goku: And you have an ugly scarf, punk, now- *Doctor Who steps right up to Goku and looks him straight in the eyes, glaring* Doctor Who: What were you saying about my scarf, sir? Goku: You think this scares me? I’ll have you know I- *Doctor Who pulls out his Sonic Screwdriver* Neil deGrasse Tyson: Play it nice, you two. Doctor Who: Try me. Goku: Oh, what’s the worse than can do? Doctor Who: Let me demonstrate. *The scene cuts to Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin, trekking up the hillside, constantly bickering* Sarah Palin: Face it, newbie, you know nothing about this game! Hillary Clinton: After watching the past season several times forwards and back, I am able to figure out your every move, Sarah. Face it. I’ve got logic and wit on my side. None of your obnoxious Alaskan campy charm is going to get you past me. Sarah Palin: You wanna bet? Hillary Clinton: Oh, it’s on. Sarah Palin: Person who makes it the shortest in this game is the winner of the two’s political bitch for the rest of their life! Hillary Clinton: Oh it is on, sister. On like a presidential campaign! Sarah Palin: Like the one you failed at? Hillary Clinton: Like you did any better! William Wallace: This is boring! Can it ya two blabbermouth pansies before I sock ya a new one! Hillary Clinton: What does that even mean? William Wallace: Don’t make me show yew! *Rick approaches from the side, watching them bicker at a distance* Rick Grimes: Politics, making donkeys out of everyone, even the republicans. *The scene cuts to Mario and Princess Peach almost to the top* Mario: Ladies first, my-a princess. *Mario hoists Princess Peach up carefully, making sure she gets on the ledge* Peach: Thank you, Mario! Luigi (from the bottom of the hill): BOO! YOU-A SUCK! Peach: Mario, look out! *Mario looks up as a giant boulder smacks him on the head, sending him down and out of the challenge* Peach: NO! Luigi: YAY! *Mario falls on Luigi’s head, slides off, then the boulder bonks Luigi on the head* Goku: OVERKILL! *Rick Grimes is about to grab the top of the ledge, but Goku kicks his hand then drops a boulder on him* Rick Grimes: NOOO! Goku: I AM LOVING THIS! Neil deGrasse Tyson: Kakatrot! Goku: Wha- *Goku starts to inexplicably Kakatrot, and Neil deGrasse Tyson takes all of his boulders* Goku: Fuck my oddly specific weaknesses! *The scene switches to Joan of Arc and John Lennon, still stuck in the cave* Joan of Arc: Okay, this is boring. What do you say to shoving the boulders out of the way? Huh, Lennon? Lennon? *Joan of Arc looks around to find no sign of Lennon, not even footprints* Joan of Arc: Huh...okay, this is weird. *Joan of Arc pulls out her sword, then slashes the boulders, cutting them easily due to their material, and watches as they fall onto Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin just below, Hillary managing to hang on* Joan of Arc: What are those made out of, styrofoam? Mary Doodles (via megaphone): Yes! Joan of Arc: Well then. I guess I’m out, so… *Joan of Arc walks out to see Gorgo climbing* Joan of Arc: Hey there. Gorgo: Hey. You’re the girl who had interest in my husband, right? Joan of Arc: Wait, what? Gorgo: Leonidas. Joan of Arc: Oh yeah… (Confessional) Joan of Arc: How could I forget that massive hunk of man...mmm~ Joan of Arc: That piece of crap? Gorgo: Not what you said in your confessionals. Joan of Arc: What confessionals? Gorgo: All I know is you have interest in my husband. Joan of Arc: Pfft, no… William Wallace: You had interest in that piece o’ shite? Joan of Arc: Holy crap where did you come from?! William Wallace: Well my parents were doing the frick frack… Joan of Arc: No thank you. Gorgo: So, I feel like we have a rivalry going here, Joan. I guess. William Wallace: Shouldn’t ya be climbin’, lassie? Gorgo: Let me finish. As a very dominant woma- William Wallace: Oh fer ta love o’ God! *William Wallace kicks Gorgo down, resuming climbing once she lets go and falls* William Wallace: The ladies here...sheesh. Calm yer tits! *The scene cuts to Al Capone and Cleopatra, climbing the hill* Al Capone: Ugh, my back hurts. Cleopatra: We can stop here. Al Capone: Thank heavens. *Al Capone sets Cleopatra down and collapses onto the ground, then sighing* Cleopatra: Are you calling me fat? Al Capone: I’d be one to talk if I was. Cleopatra: Still, I’m not fat...am I? Al Capone: Uh… (Confessional) Al Capone: Oh, great...''this ''question. What am I supposed to say here? Al Capone: Not as fat as me… Cleopatra: Hmmph! *Cleopatra ditches Al Capone to continue climbing as he sits there confused* (Confessional) Al Capone: Okay...probably not that. No, ''definitely ''not that. Shit… *the scene cuts to William Wallace and Cleopatra meeting up with each other, dodging boulders along the way William Wallace: Let’s see...it’s you and me, is it? Cleopatra: Shouldn’t there be two stooges here? *The camera cuts to Skrillex still cowering in his room and Kanye West huddled in his, both still scarred from the incident in the morning* William Wallace: Oh, count those two babies out! It’s you versus me! Al Capone: Actually- *Goku chucks a boulder at Al Capone, knocking him out* Goku: Shut up, pest. Hillary Clinton: Ha! Nothing can take me ''down! Cleopatra: This is the part where something takes her down, isn’t it. ''*Goku chucks a boulder at Hillary Clinton, knocking her down* William Wallace: Predictable. Goku: Don’t insult me! William Wallace: You practically do it yerself! Goku: Oh, that does it! *Goku chucks a boulder at William Wallace, but hits both of them, knocking them down, right as Bob Ross climbs atop the cliff, winning it for his team.* Nice Peter: DANTE! MARY! Mary Doodles: Yeees? Nice Peter: What is this...this...mess?!? Dante Cimadamore: We hosted the challenge? Bob Ross: I WON! Nice Peter: This is sloppy! The contestants are everywhere! Mr. T: My B.A. Back is B.A. Broken, I think! Marilyn Monroe: Another pun and I’ll B.A. kick your ass! Bob Ross: YEAH! WHOO! SUCK MY DICK! Nice Peter: EVERYONE! CAFETERIA! NOW! *The scene cuts to EpicLLOYD at a podium in a large, fancy cafeteria, next to an enraged Peter and a worried Dante Cimadamore and Mary Doodles. The teams are sitting at two different tables, most confused at what’s going on* Nice Peter: So today’s challenge was absolute shit. You all were horrible. Luigi: No, you we- *Nice Peter orders Macho Man and Hulk Hogan to grab Luigi and put him behind the Bush of Shame* Nice Peter: It’s time we put some rules down. Rule number one: ALL contestants must participate. *Nice Peter glares at Skrillex and Kanye West, who are cowering at their table as their team glances at them* Nice Peter: From this day onwards, not participating is an automatic elimination, no exceptions, no ifs, ands, buts, or conditions. Justin Bieber: Will I ever get out of th- Nice Peter: NO. BUTS. Justin Bieber: Heh...go on, master… *Justin Bieber rolls his eyes* Nice Peter: Rule number two: No assisting the other team, under any circumstance. Got it, Mario? Mario: But-a the princess… *Mario looks down at the table* Nice Peter: Rule number 3: Teams will get challenge points based on their effort in an episode. Getting ten points earns you the chance to get an eliminated player back. Al Capone: Sounds like a glorified sticker chart if you ask me… Nice Peter: I SAID CRAM IT! Al Capone: Sheesh… *Al Capone puts his hands up in the surrender pose* Cleopatra: Shh, darling. *Cleopatra puts Al Capone’s hand down* Nice Peter: Rule number 4: Sass talking ANY host or ANY employee will earn you a straitjacket and dolly for the rest of the season. Justin Bieber: How about we let them use mine? Nice Peter: No sass, mister. Justin Bieber: Fuck! Nice Peter: If you have any problems, we will gladly escort you to Edison’s lab and feed you to Bessie. Any questions? No? Goo-''*Nice Peter falls asleep on the podium, having Macho Man and Hulk Hogan escort him to his room*'' EpicLLOYD: Sorry for that. Peter’s not himself when he doesn’t get his sleep. Marilyn Monroe: Feisty. EpicLLOYD: But yes, these rules are being put into play. Mostly because Peter will get rid of my snack room privileges if I don’t agree. So yeah. Just talk amongst yourselves, I guess… *EpicLLOYD steps down to talk to Dante Cimadamore and Mary Doodles as the teams erupt in conversation* '' '' Team Gangsters Al Capone: So. Things got interesting today. Mario: My-a princess… Rick Grimes: Looks like stuff’s getting real, boys. Mr. T: I wanna go home… Marilyn Monroe: Oh can it, you big baby. Doctor Who: I hope none of the employees take advantage of the sass talking. That would be hell. Gorgo: Who’s Bessie? Doctor Who: I am not. Mr. T: The shark Edison has that ate Hitler. Lady Gaga: They found that thing? I thought it swam off? Kanye West: Mr. T, is that where you went when you abandoned me? Mr. T: What? Al Capone: Let’s stick to our starting topic. How are we going to compete? Sarah Palin: Well, duh. Doctor Who: Are you saying we are going to compete well or think how we are going to compete is obvious? Sarah Palin: Put a scarf in it, box man. Al Capone: Ugh… Cleopatra: I’ll help you plan, Al.~ Rick Grimes: We ain’t going in without a game plan. Mr. T: I’m all in for planning. Marilyn Monroe: This isn’t high school musical, quit with the cheesy lines already. Mr. T: Looks like someone needs to get their head in the game. Marilyn Monroe: For the love of Kennedy… Al Capone: So, I say we go after Bieber. All: What? Al Capone: He’s more serious than he seems. That bastard took out half of the competition last time with his eyes closed. Not to mention he tortured Poe and Napoleon. And also nearly killed me. Cleopatra: Al, honey, I like how you’re figuring out something, but I doubt he’s a threat now in that deformed wheelchair. *Cleopatra pats Al Capone on the back as he rolls his eyes* Rick Grimes: I say we go for the frat boys. Sarah Palin: Who? Rick Grimes: Raphael and Donatello. Marilyn Monroe: Who’s the second guy? Doctor Who: He sounds like a loser. Team Mario is a Big Fat Donatello: Guys! For fuck’s sa- Bob Ross: I still suggest we get a dragon and burn them all. William Wallace: Why are we all not supporting this? John Lennon: Dude… Joan of Arc: For the love of Christ, you idiots. Peach: I’m not good at planning myself, but Joan might know. Raphael: Any plans involving me scoring a hot chick? Captain Kirk: I am an expert on...these types of...things. Hillary Clinton: I think we should split Capone and Cleopatra. *Everyone looks over at Hillary Clinton, confused at what she’s talking about* Hillary Clinton: Does no one else notice their flirting? You guys have no idea how these things work, do you? Donatello: Actual- Justin Bieber: I agree. I think Capone wants to murder me...not that he can...well, he can, but he can’t...I think… Miley Cyrus: Woah! You think? Justin Bieber: Haha, fuck you. Captain Kirk: So...what...are we...doing? Raphael: Well first, we’re teaching you how to speak right. Bob Ross: Can we play golf? Joan of Arc: Oh, come on… John Lennon: Who wants to see my art? Hillary Clinton: Topic, people! Captain Kirk: I think...we should go after...Capone, Cleopatra...and...Rick. They seem to be...the biggest threats. Leave Kanye...Skrillex and...Palin, and we...have nothing to worry...about. Hillary Clinton: I wouldn’t say Sarah is on that low of a level. Her stubbornness can be anyone’s downfall. Joan of Arc: You’re telling me. Hillary Clinton: So it’s settled. Bob Ross: Yeah. We’re going golfing! Hillary Clinton: No. *The scene transitions to EpicLLOYD on the dock with Macho Man munching on a burrito, still wearing his sombrero* EpicLLOYD: Well, today was interesting. Macho Man: Yep. EpicLLOYD: There were boulders and stuff, I think. Also Dante fucked up his first day as host. I don’t know, I wasn’t here for most of it. Anyways, what will happen next? I have no idea, but Dante probably does. Where will Al and Cleo’s relationship go? Will Sarah and Hillary ever get over one another already? And why is Raphael such a creep? Tune in next time to find out, here on Total Drama ERB! *An apple lands right next to EpicLLOYD, with some crude writing on it* EpicLLOYD: “We are coming. You have been warned.” Huh. Macho Man: Eh, whatever. *Macho Man chucks the apple into the water* *The scene cuts to late at night, with Al Capone and Rick Grimes relaxing outside of their team’s cabin, Rick Grimes whistling Helter Skelter as Al Capone watches the colorful sky above* Rick Grimes: I hope Carl’s doing well. Al Capone: Carl? Rick Grimes: My son. Al Capone: Oh. I see. Rick Grimes: Yeah. He isn’t the most cooperative, I guess. I have to take care of him a lot. I came here to leave all that stress behind, but apparently, some of our teammates need caring for as well. Al Capone: Tell me about it. Luckily we have people like Doctor Who, Cleo, and Donatello on our team to balance it out. Something tells us I shouldn’t be surprised if we make it far into the game as a group. Rick Grimes: Eh, you never know. Somebody could pull something any minute. This game is riskier than it looks; it ain’t no kiddie board game. Al Capone: You’re telling this to the guy who was betrayed by the biggest threat on this Earth last season. Rick Grimes: I wouldn’t say he is the biggest, but.. Al Capone: I get your point. We need to watch everyone closely in this sick show. *Cleopatra walks outside, and sits down next to Al Capone, leaning against him, then yawns* Cleopatra: What’re we talking about? Al Capone: Nothing much. Rick Grimes: Yup. Cleopatra: The usual with you, isn’t it. *The scene cuts to Donatello wandering the halls in their cabin* Donatello (to self): I’m like a ghost to these guys… *Donatello watches Bob Ross sleep walk out of his room* Bob Ross (to self): Turtles... Donatello: Oh, of course. *Bob Ross bumps into Donatello, causing him to wake up and panic* Bob Ross: AUGH! A GHOST! Donatello: Nope, I- *Bob Ross runs back into his bedroom and locks it* Donatello: Figures. *The scene cuts to Luigi’s room in the other cabin, where he suddenly springs up in bed* Luigi: Ghost? Ghost?! GHOST?!? *Luigi grabs a house cleaning vacuum, tries to throw it on his back, crushes himself with it, drags it behind him, tearing up carpet, and leaves the house* Macho Man: I was using that. Luigi (from downstairs): IMMA WIN! *The scene cuts back outside, where Cleopatra has fallen asleep on Al Capone’s shoulder, while Al Capone and Rick Grimes are silently gazing at the stars. Doctor Who walks outside to take a midnight stroll* Al Capone: Quiet, the princess needs her beauty sleep. *Al pats Cleopatra’s back as she quietly sighs in her sleep* Doctor Who: Just taking a stroll... *Mario runs out of the door, looking worried, then scans the site, before beginning to take off again* Rick Grimes: Hey, Mario. Where ya goin’? *Mario ignores Rick, heading out into the woods as fast as he can* Al Capone: Hey, buddy? *Mario runs faster into the woods after something, or to something. He passes the other team’s mansion cabin, but continues running. Eventually, he cannot be seen.* Doctor Who: What the… Al Capone: Know what? I won’t even bother asking. Teams Team Gangsters: Rick Grimes, Al Capone, Cleopatra, Kanye West, Doctor Who, Skrillex, Gorgo, Mario, Mr. T, Lady Gaga, Marilyn Monroe, Sarah Palin. Team Mario is a Big Fat: Luigi, Hillary Clinton, Peach, Joan of Arc, Bob Ross, John Lennon, Raphael, Donatello, Captain Kirk, William Wallace, Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber. Category:Blog posts